I have always wondered why romantic gestures between couples fade after they are pronounced man and wife. And now it is happening to me.Yesterday for instance, while we were walking, the distance between us were so far apart. Where were those days where we always held hands wherever we walk. Always side by side. It has been 2 months since we are married, but life is getting more boring than before. We get irritated more easily with each other. We can't stand each other's naggings. I feel so much better without him around during the weekends. All these only after we live together for that short while?We just got the keys to our new flat. May be officially moving in November. How will my life be then. Maybe then reality will start to set in. I will be doing all the housework, daily chores, etc. He will be at home 24/7. Will i still be meeting Y*I then? Sigh. I don't feel like moving out at all. I know my life will be very different after this. I do not want that.Why can't i just accept my reality. Why can't i just admit defeat that i can't do anything anymore. I can't just delete, edit or restart the whole system. I just can't do anything!Financial burden, commitments, responsibility. What was i thinking before this marriage. Its so tough having all these. What more, when the feeling inside is no longer the same. It just make me wanna give up everything. But what can i do. I can't just divorce him. I can't just walk out of this. He is not going to disappear. It has only been 2 months but this is the way i am feeling about this marriage. I've only been thinking all bad things that can happen to him. But i will be the laughing stock for all those who can't wait for something bad to happen to me.
I just don't know what is going to happen to me anymore....
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