This week seems different. I thought he was avoiding me on Monday. Apparently he was busy with work. Tuesday he came over for awhile just to see me. That was sweet. Wednesday to Thursday i did not see him the whole day long. Come Friday i went over to his office to take a look at his new creation.And yesterday we actually spent time together almost the entire noon till late night. Was seriously spending the day together. It felt different. It was more relaxed compared to the first 'date' at VC. Maybe GW seems not so crowded. Not much shops anyway. Most of all, chances of bumping into someone we know may be at a very low percentage. But we never know how low this is!Prior to this "date", we questioned each other like we normally do. During the initial week, i thought he was withdrawing himself slowly from us. He seldom text me those few days, especially Monday. I was feeling down that one whole day. When he came over on Tuesday, i felt slightly better. Especially when he text me that morning, it put a smile on my face immediately! We met awhile in the library that same day, i guess just to spend time together. These are the feelings that i can't put away. I guess these are the little things that make it difficult for me to be angry with myself or even him for this entire affair. When i asked him if we are slowly not meeting each other anymore, he questioned me "Why?". And when i replied that it feels like we were doing so, he said "No it is because that you always left work early."
When i told him about J*, the lecturer, who thought we are together, he seems happy about it. He told me to play along and that maybe J* thinks we are compatible. Hahaha. But Ms. E*M spoil it all when she said "Don't you know that she is married???" Maybe she was jealous? Hee hee. Ooopps.
I was trying to adapt to the situation that mid-week when i told myself that i should let it be and not pursue this issue anymore. But came all the sms-es that same time, i changed my mind again. Sigh.
And on Friday, when i was feeling down after the 'heated-up' meeting with that KL, i received his text, asking me to give him a call. It was like so coincidence. Here i was feeling upset, and suddenly he 'appeared' wanting to talk to me. It felt great afterwards, after all the 'released' frustrations. He joked about him being my "pillow" - a punching bag. He even added this text (cik ct bad mood cat) in BB. Haha.
He's a real best friend and great lover indeed. I'm so gonna miss him one day. Sigh.
That same Friday night, he text me asking the same question "Are you married?" He said i don't look married when he saw me during the day. I looked like a sweet unmarried girl. :-( The matters at home doesn't help the situation i am in. We are quarrelling every other day. There is always something that we don't seem to agree on and it will to lead to silent treatmeant for the next few days . This make the whole thing worst. I will tend to approach Y*I for comfort after all that. When i told him about this, he just replied with a sad icon. But when i apologised to him, that i should not be bothering him with all my personal stuff.
His reply: Its ok, with u i make better decisions, like that shadow font. haha.
Are we meant for each other? Will we be together one day? Sigh.
When i told him about J*, the lecturer, who thought we are together, he seems happy about it. He told me to play along and that maybe J* thinks we are compatible. Hahaha. But Ms. E*M spoil it all when she said "Don't you know that she is married???" Maybe she was jealous? Hee hee. Ooopps.
I was trying to adapt to the situation that mid-week when i told myself that i should let it be and not pursue this issue anymore. But came all the sms-es that same time, i changed my mind again. Sigh.
And on Friday, when i was feeling down after the 'heated-up' meeting with that KL, i received his text, asking me to give him a call. It was like so coincidence. Here i was feeling upset, and suddenly he 'appeared' wanting to talk to me. It felt great afterwards, after all the 'released' frustrations. He joked about him being my "pillow" - a punching bag. He even added this text (cik ct bad mood cat) in BB. Haha.
He's a real best friend and great lover indeed. I'm so gonna miss him one day. Sigh.
That same Friday night, he text me asking the same question "Are you married?" He said i don't look married when he saw me during the day. I looked like a sweet unmarried girl. :-( The matters at home doesn't help the situation i am in. We are quarrelling every other day. There is always something that we don't seem to agree on and it will to lead to silent treatmeant for the next few days . This make the whole thing worst. I will tend to approach Y*I for comfort after all that. When i told him about this, he just replied with a sad icon. But when i apologised to him, that i should not be bothering him with all my personal stuff.
His reply: Its ok, with u i make better decisions, like that shadow font. haha.
Are we meant for each other? Will we be together one day? Sigh.
Last night, he asked me if i was forced into this marriage. He gave himself as an example where he was told to do something he do not like. He ended up quitting, doing something that he has passion in and it feels different even though the organisation sux. Its because he wants to do it. I can't answer his question. I was speechless. Am i forced? Wasn't this marriage solely my choice? And with the new house coming, he asked me wouldn't it make everything complicated if i end it. Again, i am not sure what to answer. I rather end my current status if i have a choive. I just can't go on everyday and pretend that everything is okay. I'm such a cheater and hypocrite. Plus its not fair for E*H. But how do i end it??? I am not that brave to do so. I am not living in this world alone. It involves my parents' dignity and pride. I really have no choice, do i?
When James blunt song "Goodbye my lover" was on the radio, he said maybe i should sing this song to him next June when he leaves the workplace for good. Does that mean that everything will end the moment he leaves? Then he asked me what happens then if he still work then the next 10 years? I answered maybe i should leave first then. He told me not to. Sigh.
Apart from all these, it is just one thing that i fear. That i may get preggie again. I think we should not meet for awhile till my body gets back to "normal". Once was enough. I really do not want it to happen again. Not in this messy situation. I do not want it to affect the child's future. But can i resist the temptation not meeting him. LoL! I am really crazy! Arggghhh!
E*H is going for a medical check this Wednesday. He mentioned that it got to do something with his head. I hope everything goes well. After all, he is my hubby and i do not wish for anything bad to happen to him. It will be my biggest regret should anything happen to him when i have not seek any forgiveness from him
Just one question -who am i in love with now?
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