Wants vs Needs (posted on 25/08/2007)

Just got back from a movie date with hubby. As usual, since our dating days, we do not spent that much time outside. He don't really like being in a crowd. Used to it. Remind me again why i got married him -_-"

Know what. Sometimes when i think about my marriage, my relatives won't hesistate to laugh at my parents if anything happen between me & E*H. They have always been having something against my parents, i wonder why. As if we are born wealthy or we have a status that others should be envious of. Heh~ Weird.

When i am with Y*I, i don't give a damn about others. That strong feeling of really wanting by his side. But when we are apart, since a few days ago, i am starting to have the 'boredom' kinda thoughts and feel. I am starting to feel that i am wasting my time on someone who will not be mine in the end and that happiness is only temporary. I'm only happy when i am by his side but when i'm not, i feel like shit. Why am i wasting my time on this affair which is bringing us to nowhere. "Just don't get caught" he said. Till when. Bad deeds never last. And if ever we get caught one day, what will happen. E*H gonna hate us. My family gonna hate us. My in-laws gonna despise me. And if his family finds out, worst, we will never be together. For being the sluttish me!

Sigh.

That will be the worst nightmare ever. My family will be a laughing stock. People will be mocking at me. Is that what i really want to happen.

"Heh! That girl, so innocent decent looking but a WHORE to the core!" And that will be the end of my reputation.

I don't know what i am doing right now to my life. Risking everything just to go out with him.

I must be really crazy!

Oh yes. Remember the girl he told me about in my earlier post? The married one. Yah, he told me that she was his schoolmate's wife. Plus, she have kids! Gasp. Maybe this is the one that 'messed' part of his life previously.

And one more. An ex-girlfriend of his is working at the school he is studying in currently. They contact each other now just for projects purposes. What kind of projects?

Go figure girl.