This was the text he gave me earlier. "I drove him crazy a few sundays ago". It must be my wedding which he was referring to.
Well, nobody knew what went through my mind on that day. Felt like saying 'no' the moment the question was asked. Felt like running away from reality, never to return.
Can someone remind me why i went on with my current relationship with E*H. Was it because i fear that i will be alone if i left him? Was it because i don't to hurt anyone's feeling? We were quarrelling more times when we got engaged but i still went on with it. Was it because i do not want to cause any embarrasment to anyone? What was i thinking?
The existence of Y*I in my life right now just proves one thing. That my love for E*H is disappearing. Or worst, it wasn't at all strong in the first place.
Y*I is always ignoring my questions about us. I do not know whether he wants to end it, continue doing it or just moving along as the days go by. Will this stop once he quit his current job. Will this stop once he graduated and got a new job.
Can i move on then. What will it be like if he leave me one day. What will happen to me then. How does it end then. Will he go away quietly. Will he will he....
He said this once "i think if we were to have a big argument just ONCE, that will be the end of this affair". Will he do this to me when he wants this thing to end.
This blog will witness how far our affair went. How it will end. And that very last time, no matter how it will hurt me so deep, i have to walk ahead, no turning back, t0 reality.....
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