While browsing the web, i saw something which i just feel that i want to find out more.... about him.
A blog wrote about this particular teacher who was flirting with a student and the message he sent meant for her was unintentionally broadcasted to the whole school! It was written with the initial letter of him and i guess it must be him! The suspicions i had about him is quite true, it seems. There must be some reason why he quit his previous profession. There was one time as well when we were talking about this particular lecturer in our Institute and somehow, his expression changed immediately. It was like he was defending that lecturer from personal experience. The second time, he responded in the same manner. And the messages he gave me such as "i messed part of my life..." What do he really meant with all these remarks?
Sigh.
I thought our affair was over the previous weekend. But his flirtings and my feelings got us doing it again all over. I am really unsure if i am just being used for lust and pleasure. It seems like it. I do not trust him at all. But why do i want to be with him again and again. Now i understand those complicated movies such as this. It is a feeling nobody wants to have but when it happens, it is hard to let go. It is easier to condemn their behaviours. BUT never ourselves.
What should i do now? Continue this relationship? For how long more i wonder. Part of me wants to end it. The other half just don't want to let go. This is the biggest sin i have ever done. The most sinful that anything else!
God!
How i wish these are just part of my nightmares. Which dream i prefer i wonder.
Is it the one where i am single and he appear first?
Or
He should not appear at all in my life?
Go figure please!
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