I am crazy to even think about it. But i went to the website to take a look at a divorce proceedings. It is not easy. There are so many things to be done and steps to go through. And in the first place, a wife cannot ask for a divorce without a valid reason. Apart from all these, the way the society, friends and relatives look at the person will be different.Just imagine if i ask for one. I have to leave my workplace. All the better, i have to leave this country! All to avoid the embarrasment it will cause to my family, *his family, me and *him. Sigh. This is out of the question. The proceeding itself take months, sometime even years to be done. What will happen after that. What if his feelings toward me change and he find it useless to be with me? Sigh. I cannot imagine that.
Omg! What am i doing to my life? Why did i get married in the first place then? Didn't i have the brain to think whether i really wanted to be with him? What was my heart telling me then? Why am i behaving this way? Wasn't he my choice? Despite the 'intervention' my relatives had just a day after my engagement and despite all the doubts i had towards the marriage before, i still go on with it. Who is to blame then? Who else but me! Remembering those days, relatives, my dad, most had doubts about *him. He do not mix with relatives, he do not know how to impress the elderly, he do not like to go out in the crowd, we do not spend time like other couples do, we are practically together in the name of law but all these are not what i expected. What was i expecting him to do then? I expect him to change??? That is like so totally out of the way.
Sigh. Now looking back during the dating days, why did i just go on with the relationship? *He is still the way he used to be. I am the one who is changing. Just because i met someone who have the qualities that i like, who appreciates who i am, who wants to spend time with me all the time, whom i feel i can confide with, whom i share my jokes with, who listens when i was talking, who makes me smile all the time, whose laughter tickles me, who loves to talk to me, who shares what he did for the day with me, bother to help me when i am in need...
Just because i met *him, my life practically change.
My mind change. My heart change.
How long will this last?
No comments:
Post a Comment