Teacher warned for having 'sexy legs' banter with JC girl

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Teacher warned for having 'sexy legs' banter with JC girl

Nur Dianah Suhaimi

680 words

4 June 2006

Straits Times

English

(c) 2006 Singapore Press Holdings Limited

He was caught after his messages praising her beauty were forwarded to the whole school

HE SAID she had sexy legs and told her that she was pretty. Then he told her he was attracted to girls from her former school.

Flirty conversation between two adults? No, this exchange was between a 28-year-old male teacher from Tampines Junior College and a 17-year-old student.

He was caught after the messages were forwarded to the whole school. He was hauled up by the college principal, counselled and given a verbal warning.

It all started with a friendly exchange of messages on the JC's intranet messaging system between the teacher and the first-year arts student, formerly from Tanjong Katong Girls' School.

But soon, the messages became more than just friendly chat.

Aside from the 'sexy legs' exchange, he asked her if she had a curfew and if she often went out late at night.

When she told him she was only comfortable with people she knew well, he compared her to a new car which has to be warmed up first before it could function. He also asked her to go with him to buy school supplies.

The student told The Sunday Times that she thought the teacher was just being friendly when he started messaging her. She suspected something was not right only when he started commenting on her legs and her looks. She said she continued messaging him because she did not want to offend him.

'But when he asked me out, I stopped messaging him totally,' she said.

It might have ended there but the girl forgot to log off after using a school computer to check her messages on April 13.

Another student using the same computer later chanced upon her messages and read them out of curiosity.

Said the second-year science student: 'I realised that the teacher was doing something very wrong. I thought he should be exposed. That's why I decided to save the messages.'

He also forwarded them to his classmates and the messages, dated from March 31 to April 9, ended up being passed on to almost every student in the school, causing an uproar and a 'student-teacher scandal'.

College principal Goh Hwee Choo told The Sunday Times she has counselled the teacher three times and also gave him a verbal warning. But she added that she wanted to give the teacher, who has been with the school for a year, a second chance.

She said: 'As a new teacher, he might be a little naive about how to conduct himself professionally. His comments were not right but there was no physical relationship between him and the student.'

The Ministry of Education (MOE) said it was leaving it to the school to handle the matter but added that had there been any physical relationship between the two, it would have investigated and taken disciplinary action against the teacher.

The teacher told The Sunday Times that he regretted being too friendly towards the student.

'There was no ill intention on my part but I should not have been over-friendly towards any student,' he said. 'From now on, such over-friendliness will stop.'

The JC girl said the issue had not only affected her studies, it had also affected her social life. She described how schoolmates talked behind her back and some had even approached her friends to ask for details.

She told her parents when rumours about her began circulating throughout the school. Said her mother: 'I was shocked when I heard about it. As a teacher, he should be protecting the students.'

The student said she planned to avoid the teacher in future and regretted not reporting him to the school.

She said: 'I didn't want to blow up the matter and attract unnecessary attention. But now I know that if a teacher crosses the social boundaries, we should report it to the principal immediately.'

TPJC scandal was just tip of the iceberg for that ex PE teacher.

 

Be careful what you wish for. (posted on 01/11/2007)

A new month is here. A new beginning? I am not sure...

What happened on 17 October may be a sign. Or a slight taste of 'punishment' for us? Is HE trying to tell us something. Worst things may happen. And this is only the beginning.

I am not sure what to do now. He claimed that this is more than infactuation, especially after the accident. I was speechless when he told me the first person he wanted to call right after the accident was me. And when his parents came to fetch him home, he felt like telling them about me. If nobody was home, i would have gone out to meet him the moment he called me. Sigh.

These few days, infact since 2 weeks ago, he has been sensitive about certain issues. He wants to have lunch just with me alone, although he knows that i usually goes out with the other two. And we sort of had a little quarrel yesterday because of this. I felt like he was 'testing' me. He said it is the time now that i make a decision. He not having his car happens for a reason. Just earlier, he text me mentioning that Nov will be a month to test my sincerity. What does that mean? Just because i am not meeting him tonight after his class? After we have met for the past 3 days?

I think i understand his feelings. If i am in his shoes, i would want to know whether this married person really likes me or am just using me. But how do i tell him how i really feels about him? As much as i want to be with like he wants to be with me, i am at loss. It is easier to say that i should ignore all the negative thoughts and what others might say about me. But the reality is that we are surrounded by these people almost every other day that it is damn tough to be ignorance. Sigh.

From the way i see it, L*L may already know what is going on but he just do not want to say it. I am really in need of talking to someone. But i know that nobody will agree of what i am doing right now. Everybody will say that this is the most stupid thing i ever done and that i should forget about it. One is out of his mind if they agree totally with what i am doing!! It is not as if the person i am married to is abusing me or something else. It is ME, the one who is ruining this marriage.

*He text me earlier today.
"Its about time that we have an open discussion about all disputes, expectations n the future of this marriage. It will not be in the long term interest for u, me n your parents if these drag on without a long term solution. But if u dun wish to talk with me anymore on anything, then i will not force u any further."

Fate? (Posted on 27/10/2007)

We are meeting almost any other day this month. Not sure when it started but we are getting closer than before. He wants to meet me almost everyday, even during lunch. We spent time eating, exploring places i've never been to, just the two of us.

He seems not to care about what others might say about us. If possible, he wants E*M and L*L to know about us.

Earlier today was R*N solemnisation. When the kadi gave the same lecture he did for my wedding, i felt weird. Sad, regrets, dissapointed. 15 July appeared immediately to my mind. I am not sure which one is a mistake. To be married?

Sigh.

Can i be happy about this? (posted on 11/10/2007)

He waited for me last night while i did my hair. For 2 hours straight! No guy ever waited for me patiently that way. LoL. Although he did look slightly irritated. Hee hee.

Last night he told me about his family, his siblings in particular. He mentioned about having this relationship phobia. His elder brother just had a divorce. His wife left him for a better guy. And he is with another woman. His second brother is getting married soon. To a chinese divorcee. He joked about his siblings having this common trait. And if he is with me, its like all the same.

He said it is not because he do not want to be with me. Its because i have extra baggage tagging along such as the new house. The legal contract that i am binded to. His brother sold the house away because it is more than 5 years. Mine barely a month old.

My mom will like you, he said. He knows what his mom prefer. Said i should come over to his place on the 20th. Right! Once Ms. E*M blurt out that i am married, that will be the end of everything else. Nothing more to impress. Or if his mom questioned about my status, i will be gone for good. Sigh. If only i am single. If only, if only. Its all that i can say or think of.

My mom will definitely love him too. Everything else will be in place.

Its a weird feeling. We are getting closer by the day now...

My biggest regret. My biggest sin. (posted on 10/10/2007)

Today i feel like at the lowest point of depressing mode. My tears can't stop rolling every now and then. I can't stop feeling so sorry for myself. For all the sins i am doing, for all the bad deeds. I am not the same person i used to be.

Maybe what sis said is right. We should 'enjoy' life to the fullest before committing to something serious like marriage. Only when we experience most of it, we know the different type of people out there, how life is really like, what we really want to do and everything else may be fine. Take me as an example. I was quiet, reserved, don't dare to try new things, few friends, no life, no entertainment. Look what is happening to me now. I made the wrong move. I made so much mistakes now, i don't even know God will forgive me, or even me myself. I am clueless what to expect for my future, or what to expect the next few days. Everything seems hazy. Why can't i control what i am doing? I am so ashamed of myself.

I text *him this morning.

"Don't u thnk our marriage feels like nothin? It has been monotonous, more boring than the days before. We seldom communicate, even if we do it leads to an argument. We dun spend much time tgt. We r not like husband & wife at all. I didn't expect marriage life to be this way. I tot we will be closer but its e opposite."

"We'll talk abt this after hari raya. Living in your parents place is like a pressure cooker. Wait til we have our own house n have more freedom n be ourselves. The other thing is that there is no give n take between ourselves in many issues. Its very difficult for me to exercise authority over u when your parents are around. Likewise i dun like to please your parents artificially, but i am trying my best to follow their rentak. Sometimes your parents are being too nice until i am uncomfortable n i cannot be myself. I am neither an angel nor am i a devil."

"Sumtimes i dunno why i go ahead with tis marriage. I dunno why i am in it & if i want to be in it :("

"We'll talk abt tis after Hari Raya. Lately its difficult to be myself in the house. I hope your parents can see the pattern n know my likes n dislikes on certain things, even the nitty gritty. shld not enforce, force or expect too much on certain things especially when Hari Raya is concerned. But i'd rather keep it quiet."

"Can u stop talking abt my parents! Its not abt them. Its US!!! Can't u see. Why r u pushing e blame to others. I dun see there is any diff even if we move out bcos betwn US there is a prob!"

"Firstly u will always accuse me of having a say over everything and anything. Sometimes u forget that i do give in 2u on certain things. Secondly it is difficult to talk 2u once u throw your tantrum. It will take 1 to 3 days to clear. Thirdly, it seems i must follow your family rules for Hari Raya 100% every year? Fourthly whenever i want to talk about money, u r not happy. Fifth whenever i want to be intimate with u i have only 10% chance of success, its like i'm still single, wats the point of getting married? Sixth i am not happy with uor Saturdays being burned once we shift to the new house. Tats why i prefer reading tat lousy book every nite b4 i sleep."

"Do u want to know why i werk till late most of the time? Only then i wont think so much abt wat is happening. This is the biggest regret i ever have."

"If u want 2 make this marriage work, u should not always be sending smses to me complaing n saying tat i regret this, i regret tat, tis marriage is not working lah. I have the same sentiments as wat u have too. But i always see a positive side of it. See? Whenever i said my part i am always rebutted by u. Tats why i dun wish to bring tis up in the first place. When i told u wat i am tinking or feeling, u can't accept it even the smses say so. I'd rather be quiet n let u tink abt it. I dun wish to fight n hit by your tantrums when i voice out my concern. I'd rather pretend its not happening n pretend everything is fine. Silence is golden. I cant even exert a little authority on my wife, how am i able to discuss sensitive issues with u without the deadly tantrum? I just hate it ever since 2005. I hate it. I'd hate it tat i prefer to be quiet n shut my ....."

"I dun want to think abt it. I want to end it."

I am not the same person anymore. (posted on 10/10/2007)

I am crazy to even think about it. But i went to the website to take a look at a divorce proceedings. It is not easy. There are so many things to be done and steps to go through. And in the first place, a wife cannot ask for a divorce without a valid reason. Apart from all these, the way the society, friends and relatives look at the person will be different.Just imagine if i ask for one. I have to leave my workplace. All the better, i have to leave this country! All to avoid the embarrasment it will cause to my family, *his family, me and *him. Sigh. This is out of the question. The proceeding itself take months, sometime even years to be done. What will happen after that. What if his feelings toward me change and he find it useless to be with me? Sigh. I cannot imagine that.

Omg! What am i doing to my life? Why did i get married in the first place then? Didn't i have the brain to think whether i really wanted to be with him? What was my heart telling me then? Why am i behaving this way? Wasn't he my choice? Despite the 'intervention' my relatives had just a day after my engagement and despite all the doubts i had towards the marriage before, i still go on with it. Who is to blame then? Who else but me! Remembering those days, relatives, my dad, most had doubts about *him. He do not mix with relatives, he do not know how to impress the elderly, he do not like to go out in the crowd, we do not spend time like other couples do, we are practically together in the name of law but all these are not what i expected. What was i expecting him to do then? I expect him to change??? That is like so totally out of the way.

Sigh. Now looking back during the dating days, why did i just go on with the relationship? *He is still the way he used to be. I am the one who is changing. Just because i met someone who have the qualities that i like, who appreciates who i am, who wants to spend time with me all the time, whom i feel i can confide with, whom i share my jokes with, who listens when i was talking, who makes me smile all the time, whose laughter tickles me, who loves to talk to me, who shares what he did for the day with me, bother to help me when i am in need...

Just because i met *him, my life practically change.

My mind change. My heart change.

How long will this last?